Kleenex Toilet Rolls 4Pk

confused

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 05:46:25 GMT

maybe i'll start maintaining two blogs just to confuse everyone.

Sat, 29 Jul 2006 16:26:22 GMT

i'm going to start a new blog. livejournal is giving me the shits - like everything else; my phone, my computer, this mac. ask for new address if you are interested...

Sat, 29 Jul 2006 09:42:10 GMT

i'm a mess. not a mess. just down. where is my rock?

bums

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 15:14:30 GMT

was thinking today about the time i was assaulted by the bum. something interested i noticed in sydney: bums begging for money while SMSing/playing with their mobile phones. since when did bums get so techno-savvy??

useless

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 16:57:43 GMT

after doing so much today, errands, catching up with friends and getting my car fixed, i still feel so useless.

career.

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 02:26:38 GMT

okay i've made up my mind, as much as i can. will do medicine if, and only if *i* want to (which is so hard to determine because i'm never sure if I want to do it, or i'm just doing it for my parents). but if i don't do medicine, i'm going to take this job as far as i possibly can. looking around me, i have such ambitious friends who always want to get ahead. Then theres me... who is just happy being an intern, can't wait to get qualified but never thinking about my long-term goals.

i'm tired of people discounting my job. my parents are constantly doing it. "its ultimately the doctor's responsibility, the responsibility lies with them". Nuh-uh. I have responsibilities too. I don't just press buttons. Its more than just treating cancer. A friend always used to make me feel bad about my job. Maybe not intentionally. But it seemed if i wasn't a doctor or a lawyer my job wasn't as important as his. It seemed like there was a lack of respect because my degree was only a bachelor of applied science in medical radiations (radiation therapy). Ha, if its going to come down to the degree title, not many degrees have as many letters as mine. And is earning $60k a quarter really that important? I get by on what i earn now (with a little bit of help), but this is just my starting pay. i can, and will earn more.

so i've decided to set a few goals. becoming a charge radiation therapist has always been one of my goals, but now im determined to become a charge radiation therapist before i turn 28. that means being a grade 3 radiation therapist. now to put that in perspective, i only know one or two charge radiation therapists who are under 30, most of them are in their 40s-50s. i can do it. i know i can. further to becoming a charge radiation therapist. i'm going to undertake an advanced clinical practice program, so i can become a RT equivalent of a nurse practitioner. this will put me ahead. i only know of a few radiation therapists who are doing it now. once they qualify they can perform clinical mark-ups for breast cancer patients so the doctor doesn't have to be around for simulation. i think this requires me to perform 100 breast mark-ups under the supervision of a doctor. in the UK, advanced practitioner radiation therapists can prescribe palliative radiotherapy - something that appeals to me, palliative care is something i've grown to like. if either of those goals fall through, i'm going to go to uni and lecture. something i've always thought about. only thing holding me back from that is the fact that i'd have to drive out to bundoora...

i'm going to do this.

tragic tuesday

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 15:49:15 GMT

had a pretty amazing day today. woke up at 9:00, feeling groggy as ever. drove dxxn to work then drove home and hopped in the shower. best feeling ever - showering in your own shower. hung around home for a bit, did the laundry, organising and xbox. finally got off my lazy arse and drove to merc dealer to get my car fixed. guy said they won't be able to look at it until next tuesday. told him i wanted it done sooner, so went to another dealer. worrells said they could do it for me tmrw. yay.

so anyways. bored in the car. smoking out of boredom, call sxmxn - my saviour. caught up with him and his friend dxnnii at lucky coq. after lunch and a beer went strolling down chapel st. bought pj bottoms. cute as. mine match dxnnii's, except mine have a blue drawstring instead of pink. blue for boys, pink for girls.

looked at a rental property for sxmxn. was niceish. tenant didn't really look after it. oh well. good location though.

drove back to sxmxn and frxddy's place. hung out there while waiting for frxddy to finish work. he came home and we decided to leave for dinner. drama! we locked ourselves out! called locksmith, arranged for him to meet us at 8:30 after dinner. went to victoria st for dinner. showed dxnnii how to eat pho. she enjoyed it. i enjoyed a beer.

after getting into the house. i left to meet xxron, jxlixn and quxn. had my second dinner. i was so full. laughed over dinner. was fun. went to qv to shop. then went back to quxn's house. just hung for a bit. listened to music. chilled. i can't remember much lol.

im getting the munchies. crazy.

home

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 08:42:05 GMT

so i'm home now. it was a long day for me. lots of cleaning. my hands are all dry and chapped now. i did feel a bit sad leaving my sister's place. it had become a home away from home, but could easily be my only home. the place always feels so comforting - even when its absolutely freezing (stupid stupid me turns the air con on instead of the heater).

arriving back in melbourne felt right. hopped into my car, felt big and tall. put a cd on, deja-vu played. it felt liek the song had a different meaning here. it put the biggest smile on my face. i'd get less excited if i had heard the same song in sydney. we lit up a ciggie. even that felt different. i don't know. things just felt right. my car was driving smoothly, albeit a bit slow, there were no ants, and all the windows wound up. things are good.

brxd. thanks so much for the kiss, the sms, and the little chat we had on saturday night. it means a lot to me to hear those words from someone new.

anyways, must go organise dinner

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 02:53:14 GMT

last night. what to say? a mess. the house is a mess. my brain is scattered.

possum

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 02:44:45 GMT

i ran over a possum last night.

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:15:36 GMT

recovering. had a little dinner party last night. as usual, i stressed out way too much. blame it on my eagerness to please. meal turned out great - not sure if it was the meal or the company. but either way, guests enjoyed it. knocked back a few glasses of red (red gets me drunk, beer and white wine gets me tipsy, spirits get me fucked - in a good way. mixing is bad). after the long day that i had, i was close to passing out. smart me, decided to roll a couple of joints. it was then i knew the night would end in disaster or at least a bit of tragedy.

a half hour of milling around the house trying to burp myself didn't quite ease my stomach. dxxn heads to the toilet. i follow. how tragic. it was literally "dxxn u done? its my turn". dinner didnt taste so great the second time around...

watson bay

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 12:09:31 GMT

we took a train/ferry to watson bay today. the weather was a bit miserable, but everything seemed to calm down when we arrived. walking over the cliffs we paid our respect to a lost life. someone young like ourselves. His ashes were cast out to sea from the cliffs. it seemed so peaceful. Then a sign on a fence caught my eye:

Lifeline 13 11 14
Salvos Crisis Line 9331 2000

It made me feel cold, inside and out.

Looking out over the ocean, i wanted to step over the fence and venture closer to the edge of the cliff. I know, im scared of heights, but i wanted to experience the thrill of feeling free, knowing that one wrong step it could all be over.

We walked to a church. Lit a candle for him and left a bouquet of flowers and shrubs.

I feel honoured that i was invited along.

sydney

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 04:11:21 GMT

Its Monday arvo. Recovering from a huge weekend. Just bumming around at home; Dxxn is in the shower, lxvxjxnkie is sleeping. This holiday could not come at a better time. I can finally let go of all the stresses at work.

We flew in on friday - man we looked hot. I've never flown in such dressy attire (it wasn't that dressy). We arrived at my sister's place, settled in a bit. We couldn't find the hot water system. When we did, the instructions might as well have been written in chinese. We covered our eyebrows and hoped for the best. Decided to go to bondi junction in my sister's car. Driving down king st, dxxn thought it was a really good idea to open the passenger window. When it started raining we tried closing it, but couldn't - yay @ german engineering. Finally made it to bondi junction, dxxn a little bit wet, but still good. So, we parked teh car, and attempted removing the door panel in order to pull the window up. Stupid sydney slags ask if we are leaving, we say no, they reply with "are you trying to break into the car?". Bah, we so didn't look like car thieves, and besides, who tries to steal a door panel when breaking into a car?? Anyways, we couldn't fix the car. We wrapped the door in bright blue tarpaulin while we went shopping. Everything was a bit of a contradiction; clean white audi with tarpaulin over the door, well-dressed boys with blackened hands.

We took a little nana-nap before Frxddx and Sxmxn arrived. When they did, we headed straight to oxford st. Frxddx and Sxmxn seemed to know EVERYONE there - either from melbourne or perth, amazing. But then again, people like Frxddx and Sxmxn who have such bubbly, friendly personalities are bound to have friends all over the place.

Saturday we went for yum cha with Frxddx's friends after lxvxjxnkie arrived and fixing my car. On the way in the car Michael Bublé - Home came on the radio; a wave of memories flooded my mind. Saturday night was huge. Started at shift. The music wasn't really hard enough. Headed for arq. Arq was great. Great company. Music was good too. Everything was a blur. Even my eyes. It seemed like everyone was wearing glasses. I remember stepping over a non-existent coffee table. Good times. Got home at 9:30AM sunday.

Sunday was spent in bed/couch/table recovering. We said our goodbyes to Frxddx and Sxmxn. Later that night we headed to Harry's Cafe de Wheels. My ability to drive in sydney considering the previous night still amazes me - no map, manual and only 1 headlight. After eating, the guys in teh car behind ours said that some guy tried to break into our car but they managed to scare him off. Would have been a bit ironic. Fixing the window on saturday morning, only to be broken on the sunday night.

A good weekend.

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 09:15:32 GMT

I opened up last night. I took control and just let it all out. I did it for myself, without prompting or hesitation. I feel better now - my shoulders are relaxed (as much as they can be, considering..).

This is a milestone for me. Its like I've made a hard right hand turn where I would always turn left. Unchartered territory for me, but I'm learning fast, trust me. I shouldn't be afraid of my emotions. As emotional as I can be, I should learn to embrace everything I feel. Don't fight it, or deny it. Use it to grow. Friends can see it. They are starting to see the real me.

I look forward to much more loving, laughing and crying.

I have to remember I'm not in control of what I feel, but I am in control of my life.

Burn-out

Tue, 11 Jul 2006 15:56:33 GMT

Its my first night at home alone in 3 or so weeks. It feels different. Its not that I feel lonely - i would normally not notice that dxxn was around so I guess its really not that different. Its a bit more quiet and less warm.

I've been thinking. a lot. more so than usual. I'm scared i approach everything with a bit too much intensity (i warn you, when i think, i get ever so slightly paranoid about my behaviours). I think its why i always burn out. With work I always get to a point where everything is a bit too much, then I take a break (sickie) and then it starts all over again. But perhaps thats more to do with the intensity of the job not the way i approach it. With friends, my friendships tend to be pretty intense at first. Over the past 6 months, i've had friends come and go. Dxnxxl, you have to admit, our friendship started off pretty intense and at a pretty difficult time for both of us. There was a period where we didn't talk or catch up. I think that was the burn-out. I think it was partly due to my immaturity and my failure to deal with my own issues. But for me, the intensity of the friendship was the foundation that has made our friendship so important to me. You aren't one of those 'hi-bye' friends and i think its because of everything our friendship has been through - u've seen me at my worst, and at my best.

okay after that little paragraph, i'm not so scared anymore. (thought process: i think, i write, i re-think).

My intensity is me. i shouldn't be scared of it.

To the friends who I see everyday: I will always treasure the moments we have together, no matter how small and insignificant. Even if it is stealing rubbish - how unglam!

And to the friends who I haven't seen in a while: I still treasure the moments we had together. I haven't forgotten and look forward to many more moments.

a different kind of pain...

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 12:44:01 GMT

i had a moving moment at work today. first day of treatment for a frail woman. she was petrified. i tried my best to reassure her she wouldn't feel any pain; i don't think her husband was translating very well. Everytime he spoke [yelled] a tear would roll down her cheek. Perhaps it was a language thing, maybe he wasn't yelling - maybe he was just speaking a middle eastern dialect of cantonese. She was better when he was out of the room. She calmed down a bit. i don't think ill ever forget the look in her eyes. they screamed "don't let this hurt, i'm in pain, i'm scared."

we were quick and gentle. i held her shoulder everytime she looked at me.

when we finished, she grabbed my hand and kissed it...

"no no, listen to the beat...not your feet"

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 07:19:08 GMT

Muscle's are tense. Jaw is tight. Two symptoms of post-party blues.

Weekend has been amazing. Started on Thursday; Friday was my RDO. Things were fine. I was fine. Dxxn, Dxvx and I went to Phish for dinner. My expectations were too high. I remember the old Phish with the huge seafood paella, the new Phish is a glorified, overpriced fish and chippery. But oh well. There was one redeeming quality about the restaurant...

Friday was my day. A day for me to reflect on everything. Thank god for RDOs. Got my haircut, dropped Dxxn off at work. Walked around the city for a bit. Did a bit of window shopping. Was a beautiful day so I sat outside the Westin. It was one of those moments where you took a step back and just wondered what the beep was going on. I was hurting for no real apparent reason. Worrying about things that I didn't need to worry about. Dxxn said something to me that I'll never forget. It brightened my mood and washed my worries away.

I was meant to catch up with Fxxxxy for lunch, but I think work for him was a bit of a disaster. Shame, it would have been great. Told Fxxxxy to hang in there. I get a message from lxvxjxnkie. Chatted to him. We aired our troubles. Made me even more determined to have a good friday night. I pick Dxxn up from work. The most gorgeous girl, Pxxlxna, picks us up and takes us to St Jeromes. By midnight we were dancing away at Xchange with lxvxjxnkie, Dxrxk, Fxxxxy, Sxxxn and their friend Gxbs. Music was great. Atmosphere was awesome. Towards the end of the night we decided to move on to Peel. My god the place was dull. It felt like it was sucking the life out of me.

Saturday... a blur to me. Dxxn went off to work. I hung back home and did crap all. Decided I needed to get out of the house and went to the city. Ran into Shxxn. Went shopping together. Found an amazing jumper. I very much like. Picked Dxxn up after work and went to Hairy Canary with his sister. After finishing a bottle and a half of wine we headed home. Freshened up and got ready. Went to Bimbos to meet Pxxlxna. Music rocked, must go again. Left and headed for the market. They played all of our songs - mariah, christina, mary j blige and even coldplay. We had moments of chattiness and love. We manage to become so insightful. Memorable quote for the night:

As much as we are bad for each other, we are so good for each other. At the end of all this we are going to come out stronger and better than ever before

The more i thought about it i kept on thinking why we are bad for each other. Is it the bad habits we have? Cos we can kick them. We can. We are strong enough. But i do believe we will come out on top. We are on the road to success and I can't wait for us to reach it.

I am forever grateful for Dxxn and lxvxjxnkie protecting Fxxxxy and I from the weird ogre guy. Friends like you are hard to come by.

Dxxn and I got home at 10:30 after having breakfast in Prahran.

Great weekend. Shame my sunday has only begun with only 7 hours left...

Woke up to a message from a work colleague. She asked to meet for coffee or wine. Shes a bit down. Long story. Bit of paranoia. I've been messaging her all afternoon. But its funny. Its that time of year. Everything is a bit crazy. Everyone is a bit down. Sometimes it feels like its all too much for me. When there is so much pain around, you can't help but feel a bit of it. I am learning though. How to be strong. Strength is what you need.

What a weekend. A rollercoaster of emotions, buzzes and experiences...

my dearest dxxn...

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 12:20:55 GMT

(TRADGEDY! You are sleeping on a bed thats not straight!)

After reading your blog entry I have to at least try and express how much you mean to me. I don't think I've ever gotten this close to someone in such a short period of time. We only started hanging out, what? 3 weeks ago? and now you can finish my sentences and know exactly what is on my mind. 6 months ago I would never have thought we'd be in such a relationship. you have seen sides of me that only my ex has seen. and the funny thing is, you probably know me better than my ex does.

you have helped me find confidence that i thought i'd never find. you make me feel proud of who i am, what ive done and what i'm doing. your ambition, love and generosity are so contagious. After spending time with you i can't help but feel motivated to dream bigger dreams and aim just that little bit higher. your life is full of love. i am amazed at your ability to love each one of your friends. and again amazed at how loved you are. the compassion and concern your friends show you is testament to that. and in terms of generosity, you offer me what i feel is most important in life - time together.

likewise, you make my life so easy. i love having you around. i have my own troubles, perhaps my troubles aren't as burdensome, but you certainly help me through them. when i found out i had to move out of my current house, you were nothing but supportive. you reassurred me that things will be fine. your presence is just so calming. i'm so happy just sitting here, with you lying on the bed. i don't feel the need to say anything at all.

i'd love for you to be a part of my life for the long-run. as i look for a new place to move into, one of my prerequisites is that you are close by. you have become such a big part of my life. evenings just don't seem the same without a little dose of dxxn. my friends love you and i can so understand why.

i've had some great times with you and these times will be memories forever. the drinking, the partying, the hanging, the singing and dancing. Such simple pleasures but oh-so-important moments.

i love you and i look forward to spending many more days and nights together.

by the way, i do not have a goofish laugh!

drunk

Tue, 27 Jun 2006 13:51:13 GMT

just got home.

Dxxxe's birthday today. Had birthday dinner at Barcelona. Invited Dxxn along. Great food. Love it. Absolutely love it. Shame cute waiter wasn't there.

Yet again, drank a bit too much. Good wine though. Had to get Dxxn to drive. Went for coffee at Hairy Canary. Sobered up somewhat. Saw Rxxxxl off. Dxxn drove Dxxxe home. Dxxn drove us back to his place. I drove back to my place. Got home realising perhaps i shouldn't have driven.

Is okay. Am home safe.

Am drunk.

Good night. Love the company.

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 11:29:22 GMT

ok. for the 6th time tonight Dxxn has dropped his owners manual off the armrest. someone is TRASHED!

...and hes the one driving me back to his house...

Trash, trash trash!

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 10:20:06 GMT

right now im sitting at home with dxxn just chilling and watchin tele. Dxxn is reading the owner's manual for his new toy.

Dxxn: Oh..yeah... right. That's so great!

Boys and their toys!

Dxxn: So like. I can like, send stuff from my phone to my computer... Thats so cool. I can like send it from the bathroom..."

Anyways, time to blog about my weekend. So much happend i can barely remember. Lots of eating, some drinking, way too much smoking.

Thursday
Cooked dinner for Fxxxxy, Sxxxn and Dxxn. Involved plenty of eating and drinking. Lots of laughs.

Friday
Chilled with Dxxn, caught up with Jxxxxn, Fxxxxy and Sxxxn. Went peel. Danced danced and danced some more.

Saturday
Caught up with lxvxjxnkie for coffee and shopping. Was great fun. Much needed chat and reflection. Thank you. Met Dxxn after he finished work. Went for dinner with Dxxn's sister and her friend. Went to some classy bar with so-unclassy company. Like "omg is he wearing a billabong polo?". Left bar, went to meet Dxxn's friend. My god! He has some HOT friends. Went to Star for 10 year anniversary. Dxxn and I danced to our own music. Star's music was totally killing our mood. Left. Went to market. Danced danced and danced some more. Was called trashed by friend...

Sunday
Caught up with Fxxxxy, Sxxxn and Dxxn after Dxxn finished work. Good food and good wine. We all went for dinner with timw612. After sending Txm home, hung out at my place with a bottle of wine.

Very good weekend. By far the best weekend in a long while.

Thanks everyone. Love ya lots.

yay

Sat, 24 Jun 2006 07:54:37 GMT

Half my friends are overseas or interstate, so obviously they are having way too much for my liking (i much prefer it when they are having a crap time without my company :P). I had a really great time last night. Dxxn came over, we hung out and listened to some music. Jxxxxn, Fxxxxy and Sxxxn came over to join us. We played with the Xbox for a bit. I may not be the best car driver, but I am the best at mortal combat or watever its called.

After much drinking, singing and laughter decided to go out. Found ourselves at peel again. The place was trashy as ever, but it was packed and the music was great. I had lots of fun. We sent Sxxxn to request some Mariah. The DJ said maybe. An hour later I made the same request and the DJ said no outright. No sugar coating! Bah! If only i was better looking, THEN maybe he would have said okay.

I had a good night out. By far the best since winterdaze.

TRAGEDY!

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 00:28:29 GMT

I am SUCH a CLUTZ!

I was out for drinks with work mates. Started off at the Commune in East Melbourne. We moved on to KFC and kitten club. Was fun until everyone decided to move on again. Friends wanted to go to champagne lounge for some reason. Walk up little collins. All 15 of us fronted at the doorstep of the champagne lounge.

I decided to get closer to some friends. In doing so, I tripped over a water bottle. I look up, the bouncer is looking at me and shaking his head. Bouncer says "I can get all of you in except that one *points at me*, hes too drunk". I try explaining to him that there was a bottle on the ground. I had one workmate explain to him that I was just a clutz. I had another try to explain to the bouncer I had style - probably not the best idea. It was the first time I have been refused entry because I was too "drunk"!

How TRASHY!

I almost cried. I felt so bad. I decided to go to the European instead. A few people followed. To make me feel better, friends bought me more drinks. Three more drinks in quick succession left me feeling at a suitable level of drunkness to be rejected entry.

Friend from work offered to take me home using his cabcharge. Got home, headed straight to the toilet...

How TRAGIC!

Do you have $2?

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 12:24:03 GMT

OMG. Most hilarious thing happend to me this evening. Went out for afterwork drinks with work mates. We then headed back into the city for more drinks, however I was heading home for a nana-nap. We stop by Maccas for supper. Lisa, Diane and myself were waiting outside for the others to finish ordering. Along comes an Aboriginal lady; she seems nice enough.

Nice Aboriginal Lady: Can I have $2?
Nice Aboriginal Lady smells of stale beer
Diane: No, sorry.
Lisa: Geez, you could buy a hell of a lot with $2
Andy: You could buy a cheeseburger for $2
Nice Aboriginal Lady: Are you being smart with me?!
Lisa: No, we don't mean anything by it...
Nice Aboriginal Lady: You are being smart with me!
Nice Aboriginal Lady proceeds to punch Andy; Andy gets pushed back a few steps
Bad Aboriginal Lady: Go back to your own fucking country!
Bad Aboriginal Lady squirts yucky beer at Andy out of her sports bottle. Andy thinks "Oh I've been in this country longer than you!" But soon realises he is a lot younger than Bad Aboriginal Lady
Andy: I honestly didn't mean anything!
Bad Aboriginal Lady: Go suck your daddy's cock!
Bad Aboriginal Lady storms off in a huff
Lisa: I'm so sorry Andrew! I was stirring shit and you copped it for me!
Andy: Its okay, its kinda funny, despite smelling of beer.

Such drama!

Afterwards on the tram, Lisa, Diane and myself decide to re-enact the incident for the benefit of Nicole and Katrina.

Andy: Okay Diane, you be the bum...
Lisa is close to tears from laughing
Diane: Give me $2
Diane proceeds to squirt coke at Andy. Lisa is almost on the floor of the tram in a laughing fit. Andy smells of beer AND coke.

Now to have my nana-nap

Oddspot

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 09:54:11 GMT

Thursday June 8, 2006
Terry and Susan Smith, both 58, stopped a packed Boeing 767 bound for the Canary Islands just before take-off - after seeing their spaniel, Poppy, bounding alongside on the Manchester airport runway. Poppy had chewed her way out of her cage on the cargo deck.

Sigh. Silly silly spaniels. So very cute and mischievous.